It's Over!*

That's it for now. Left wanting more? Start again from the beginning. Or the very beginning.

More new stuff coming sometime soon...

Before next April, let's hope.

*The reference

April 30th - Stars Without Makeup

Four of Diamonds - Stars Without Makeup
13 - Hip-Hopera (detail)

-

Drum and bass lines built from: 

Burial - Near Dark
DJ Assault - Ass N Titties (NSFW, obvi)

Samples from:

Reggie and the Full Effect - Getting By With It's (at 15:08)
David Bowie - Young Americans
Garbage - Special
The Kinks - Celluloid Heroes

-

This would be part of a larger piece (the full Hopera) about double standards and media saturation - most likely a playful interlude therein. An examination of a TMZ-style publication's feature on "Stars Without Makeup", this track would be a rundown of those maligned celebrities. Samples from Garbage's "Special" would put said song in an even more bitter context. "Celluloid Heroes" would provide a juxtaposition between new and old Hollywood...blahblahblah.

All you really need is this couplet.


Tila Tequila shed her carapace
Julianne Hough spent Halloween without blackface

April 29th - Sleeper Cells

Seven of Diamonds - Sleeper Cells
15 - Free Verse


The Clandestine Inhabitant

It doesn't have to be dark
Even in the daylight you won't notice
At home among your dearest friends
Reading to your child
Drawing your evening bath
Something is always beyond view
Behind each line and act
Hidden there almost evading detection

Disquieted you feel its breath
Dampen the hairs on the back of your neck:
Death

April 28th - Espresso Royale Caffe (sic)

Ten of Hearts - Espresso Royale Caffe (sic)
2 - Shakespearean Sonnet


You were the one I loved most for a time
I looked towards our daily rendezvous
I kept your values and your heart with mine
And found euphoria inside of you
Your humble features pleasing to my eye
I stood completely rapt beneath your spell
But when the time was right to say goodbye
With joyful tears I bid you fond farewell

Your fortunes promised to another man
He made you change your body and your face -
While I grew older in another land -
Resulting in this unfamiliar place

Alas you have become a different store
Where drip-brewed coffee costs a dollar more

April 27th - The Western Wall

Ten of Diamonds - The Western Wall
5 - Writer's Choice - Tweet Length!

April 26th - Palate Cleansers

Two of Spades - Palate Cleansers
3 - Tweet Length

Ok, not quite Tweet Length

Palate Cleansers II

After the meal
Once real food is gone
Feeling bloated and queasy
I take you in my mouth
Rolling you up and under my tongue
I savor your sweetness

You make me clean again
I spit you in the dirt

April 25th - The War On Christmas

Six of Spades - The War on Christmas
10 - Acrostic

Western Front, Christmas 1916

Trench-bound I raise my standard issue
Remembering last Christmas
Unbelievably long ago when
Carols were shared among
Enemies now disunited blindly
Shooting together towards the line

April 24th - Lotus Eaters

Eight of Diamonds - Lotus Eaters
19 - Alexandrine Couplets

Somewhere a hidden hollow lotus land exists
That's peopled solely with sunny somnambulists
Who isolate themselves from nature's harshest truths
Absconding toward the blissful shadows of their youth
Ingesting opiates and dozing through the day
Yes - we run and hide and lie and sleep the same way

April 23rd - Being Older Than James Dean

Jack of Spades - Being Older Than James Dean
20 - Writer's Choice - Free Verse

Riding with James Dean

We both toss our hair
Fearlessly flying
Smiling back at
Some girl or boy
Instantly forgotten

Our engines screaming
To combustion
With passion for
Our parallel worlds
Separated by hours and eras
Places and people
But the same road
The same speed
Too fast for time
Which folds on itself

We see each other in our mirrors
And at twenty-four and twenty-four
We both look back

He crashes
And somehow
I keep moving
Slower and
Slower still

April 22nd - Saffron

Eight of Clubs - Saffron
13 - Hip-Hopera (detail)

Samples from:

Donovan* - "Mellow Yellow"
Conershop - "Who Fingered Rock and Roll"

-

A little yellow flower
With power unequaled
Tastes like honey
More than money
The world's just mad about saffron
Or it was
For medicine or makeup
Salves and sacrifice
Cleopatra put it in her bath
To make her lips divine
Alexander liked it on his rice or in his wine
Persian merchants pushed it
Sand worn faces hid
The kings in England planted it
At least their slaves' slaves did
People warred for it
Whored for it
Some gave even more for it
Caught diluting for their take
They burned them at the stake
And most of the coveters
Had nothing to show for it
When the black plague came
There were none left to grow for it
Those who truly tasted it
Dropped caste for it
Found a decent place to hide
But most who could just wasted it
A yellow mark of pride
Landed Brahmin gentlemen would just dump it in the street
Whenever Nero entered Rome they spread saffron at his feet

-

Quite rightly

April 21st - Koala Attacks

Five of Spades - Koala Attacks
15 - Free Verse


Drop Bears and Tourist Tax

They were told to put vegemite behind their ears
And so they did
The three girls from Tulane
Terrified by barbeque pit tales
Told through the matted beard of the hostel concierge
They nightmared koala-like creatures
And all presently picture bloody premolars
As they drink from their Kleen Kanteens
Wipe sweat from their brows with newly-bought bandanas
With the Union Jack and the Southern Cross
As they warily eye eucalyptus trees
Brewers' yeast dries in the sun

While back on Magazine Street
Seventy American dollars lighter
An Australian exits the airport taxi
And in the nearest sunsoaked cafe
Prompted by the electricity in the air and
The gap-toothed smile of his pretty barista and
The stuffed koala taped to the register
Worse for the wear
He orders a T-shirt with his Flat Black
And he is charged twice
What he would if only he lived
In New Orleans

April 20th - Small Victories

Two of Hearts - Small Victories
3 - Tweet Length

April 19th - Henry IV Part I

King of Hearts - Henry IV Part 1
2 - Shakespearean Sonnet

Sonnet 7

Together we sat through The Hollow Crown
Our arms so close they could have intertwined
Our feelings for each other tightly wound
The tenor of the play captured my mind
Identifying myself with it all
"Young" Hotspur's boiling honor-driven rage
Familiar Fallstaff's drunken Bacchanal
But most distinct how Prince Hal came of age

In truth, I recognized my minor sin
And though I knew the better part of valour
I moved to touch your alabaster skin
Detecting sacred longing in your pallor
And I the errant prince became remanned
By finally taking hold of your sweet hand.

April 18th - Horrible Bosses

Nine of Diamonds - Horrible Bosses
13 - Hip-Hopera (detail)

The curse of the Hip-Hopera!

So I finished something, but in the interest of self preservation I am not going to post it here. Email me at putyourcollardownelvis@gmail.com if you want to see it in all it's vitriolic glory. It's certainly not my best, but I did manage to rhyme "Andre Johnson" with "Wisconsin".

Selected samples:
- Drums and bassline from Lee Dorsey's “Get Out of My Life Woman”
- The piano intro from Outkast's “Roses”
- The organ lick from Bob Dylan's “Positively 4th Street”
- The first moments and "laser beams" of Cornershop's "Wogs Will Walk”
- The horns from Swearing at Motorist's “Calgon Take Me Away”
- Select bits from "Steam's" "Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye"
- And the occasional wet drum from Eric Carmen's “Hungry Eyes” 

April 17th - Circular Logic

Eight of Spades - Circular Logic
4 - Ruba'i

For a long time I've loved Zen Koans. Here are four circular logic puzzles condensed into a rather circular poetic structure.

If You Love, Love Openly

The student asked, "how do you know?"
And poured his tea to overflow
"With a full vessel and a spoon"
The master said, "how will you grow?"

A thief was searching for a boon
And came upon a little loon
Who gave his things and then did say
"I wish I could bring him the moon"

The man who bore the sack was gay
A doled out toys for kids to play
When someone asked him, "what is Zen?"
The man continued on his way

The master told his monks of ten
Because a nun had caught one's yen
"If you're in love then let it show
Don't hide it in the ferns and fens."

April 16th - Armchair Suicides

Six of Diamonds - Armchair Suicides
3 - Tweet Length

April 15 - Catharism

Jack of Clubs - Catharism
4 - Ruba'i

Sympathy For The Cathar

We are angelic spirits trapped
Our vital energy 's been sapped
In the bogus world we think our own
This hell on earth Rex Mundi mapped

Crusaders left no unturned stone
Their daggers rended flesh from bone
And thus were all the Good Men purged
They drove us out of Carcassonne

All that remains: an empty dirge
Until our souls and heavens merge
We will forever stay worldbound
Imprisoned by the Demiurge

April 14th - Day Off!

No poem today as it's my Fiancée 's bday. We're currently drinking Mezcal which is a pretty poetic endeavor in and of itself.
In my absence, check out Tracy K. Smith.  She won the Pulitzer, or something:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1555975844/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1396323999&sr=8-1&pi=SY200_QL40

Expect something new tomorrow, my friends!

April 13th - Gong Farming

Two of Diamonds - Gong Farming
5 - Writer's Choice - Heroic Verse!

The Nightman 

When nocturnal flies alight

In the moonless London night

The Gong Man starts his evening chore

And thinks of who he's farming for:

The prostitutes in darkened halls

The bishop who rejects them all

But yearning for one to molest

Thus flagellates his naked chest

For the urchins on the curb

The gypsy girl, the exiled Serb

For all the infants in the Thames

Their ever-empty, clenching hands

For the leper's dying moan

And Henry Tudor's golden throne

For all those trapped within this pit

Someone has to shovel shit

April 12th - Constellations

Five of Hearts - Constellations
20 - Writer's Choice - Shakespearean Sonnet!

Grand Stations

We spent an afternoon beneath the stars

Your tiny hand enclosed in my small hand

Aloft beside Orion, Zeus, and Mars

I knelt before you eager, beaming and

I gazed upon the grandly painted ceiling

Magnificently crafted firmament

And whispered to you all that I was feeling

My truest words were forged in permanence

But, lo! The sky is painted from above

As if the heavens were seen from God’s view

A moment caught to contemplate my love

As if I were Him marveling at you

Oh, I could kneel forever in this place

If looking down upon your perfect face

April 11th - School Photos

Three of Hearts - School Photos
6 - Limerick

Picture Day At Saint Maria Goretti's

Posing for photos is tough
When surrounded by girls who are buff
We started to flirt
And you lifted my skirt
The nun snapped a shot of my muff

April 10th - Pyrrhic Victories

Seven of Spades - Pyrrhic Victories
10 - Acrostic



Packing my things
You breathe heavily
Relieved but
Reliving the last
Hour we were
Us -
Sighing, sighing

April 9th - Minimum Wage

Two of Clubs - Minimum Wage
10 - Acrostic

Day Shift/Night Shift

She waits for the plates to cool
Hands callused
Arms spindly little things
Made for more than this
Even something significant
She thinks
Handing someone a towel
Armed with candy and toothbrushes
Made for the glistening women
Even the ones who don’t tip

April 8th - Killing Two Birds With One Stone

Queen of Spades - Killing Two Birds With One Stone
11 - Tweet Length

Today's prompt was suggested to me by the managing editor of My Entertainment World, a wonderful site for which I am a very errant "Staff Writer". Since I am almost comically lax about submitting anything, I decided that today would be - in fact - about killing two birds with one stone. Tweet length film review!

-

April 7th - Reality TV Villains

Nine of Clubs - Reality TV Villains
10 - Acrostic


Renegade 1

Leaving behind his fourth wife

Our intrepid hero

Reno Rains (formerly)

Enters boldly into a

New coupling

Zooming towards primetime stardom

On ABC

Lo! But

Are You Hot?

Miscarried

After only

Seven Episodes

-

Are You Hot?: The Search for America's Sexiest People is arguably the worst reality show of all time. Worse than Glutton Bowl. Worse even than The Littlest Groom. Why you ask? Check it out (Lorenzo Lamas' winning commentary begins at 1:07). 

And here's a well-deserved palate cleanser.

April 6th - Second Chances

Jack of Diamonds - Second Chances
12 - Blank Verse

This one is almost a missed connection.
Also, pretty much the opposite of this.


Second Chances, Second Glances

This morning on the southward bound express
I chanced upon a sight that made me gasp:
Your raven tresses pulled behind your neck
A neck which kindled long-forgotten bliss
Or dread I hadn't known for decades past

I turned away composing my slight self
And strategized the perfect thing to say
Should I disturb your subterranean rest
Or let pass by this destined second chance
Will I for once the courage to connect?

I felt escorted by some divine hand
Compelled to act by predetermined force
I tentatively moved towards your seat
My mouth awash with multitudes of words
I settled for pedestrian: "hello"

She turned to face me - your uncanny twin
Your cheekbones and your nose were also hers
It was indeed as if she wore your mask
Your lips shot me a disappointed frown
I uttered a defeated, "my mistake"
Retreating to my corner of the train

When my stop came I swiftly disembarked
Upon alighting stole a backward glance
One final gander ere the subway left
Me gazing into both my self-sold lies
And coincidental ardent almond eyes

April 5th - Poetry Blogs

Ace of Spades - Poetry Blogs
5 - Writer's Choice - Tweet Length

April 4th - Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain

King of Clubs - Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain
1- Prose

Unfortunately, today's piece - a character sketch of an aging Chamberlain - was derailed by food poisoning. There would have been survivor guilt, struggles with modernity (turn of the 20th century), a catheter insertion scene, armchair descriptions of Bowdoin college, an egotistical Anglophile colleague, and a loyal and brilliant maid from his governor days who would refer to him as "Your Honor." 

Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain was always my favorite Civil War general. If anyone deserves a genre mystery series based in early 20th century academia (what this would be the starting point for) written about him, it's Chamberlain.


A Starting Point

His robes always smelled vaguely of urine. This is a fact to which Lawrence had grown accustomed although every so often after a late afternoon nap or a particularly consuming writing session he would wake, not yet lucid, to that familiar metallic odor. He would search for an external source and then remember. A different man, faced with such realities might resort to tears or drink. Lawrence, however, would need only stare at his old fingers, tensing and relaxing them. At the moment of realization, his breathing would barely change.

The routine was the same everyday...

April 3rd - The Moana Surfrider Hotel

Ten of Spades - The Moana Surfrider Hotel
18 - Tweet Length

April 2nd - Amelia Earhart

Queen of Diamonds - Amelia Earhart
16 - Tanka

Tanka 4

Amelia flies

A child on a sled

Toward unseen futures –

Above forgotten atolls

To the fast approaching sea

April 1st - Bloodless Coups

Seven of Clubs - Bloodless Coups
2 - Shakespearean Sonnet

Office Politics 1

When working for a corporate cannibal

Who’s bloated with a surfeit of hubris

Whose rule is borderline tyrannical

Though in the end is ultimately toothless

You’ll stay discreet attempting to outlive

Her cruel reign, contented in the knowledge

That in the long run something has to give

Or else you’ll maybe quit and finish college

Her fate came swift and though she kept her head

We all escaped her tarnished legacy

Our celebrations now give way to dread

What doth replace a common enemy?

Her welcome absence leaves a sudden pall

Oh, was it really bloodless after all?

National Poetry Month 2014

Welcome back, Dear Readers, to Math Awareness Month and the fifth annual incarnation of this poetry blog.

This year, I'm getting back to basics: for the next thirty days I will write and post a new poem determined by the following randomizing system: I have a deck of playing cards and a twenty sided die. Each card is assigned a prompt and each side a form. In the morning I will draw a card and roll the die, and then, using the randomly selected topic and form, write and post the poem here before I go to sleep.

The list of prompts is as follows:

2c	Minimum Wage
2d	Gong Farming
2h	Small Victories
2s	Palate Cleansers
3c	Blurred Lines
3d	Slow Television
3h	School Photos
3s	Spirit Animals
4c	Heroin Chic
4d	Stars Without Makeup
4h	Stage Kisses
4s	Cold Feet
5c	Easter Island
5d	Flightless Birds
5h	Constellations
5s	Koala Attacks
6c	Armchair Quarterbacks
6d	Armchair Suicides
6h	Dead Grandfathers
6s	The War on Christmas
7c	Bloodless Coups
7d	Sleeper Cells
7h	Strategic Losses
7s	Pyrrhic Victories
8c	Saffron
8d	Lotus Eaters
8h	William Blake References
8s	Circular Logic
9c	Reality TV Villains
9d	Horrible Bosses
9h	The Westboro Baptist Church
9s	Tea Parties
10c	Bay State Road
10d	The Western Wall
10h	Espresso Royale Caffe (sic)
10s	The Moana Surfrider Hotel
jc	Catharism
jd	Second Chances
jh	Errant Knights
js	Being Older than James Dean
qc	Miscarriages
qd	Amelia Earhart
qh	Patti Smith and Robert Mapplethorpe
qs	Killing Two Birds With One Stone
kc	Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain *
kd	Elvis Impersonators
kh	Henry IV Part 1
ks	Divine Right
ac	Survivor Guilt
ad	Unfinished Screenplays
ah	Failed Actors
as	Poetry Blogs

And forms:

1	Prose
2	Shakesperian Sonnet
3	Tweet Length
4	Rubai
5	Writer's Choice
6	Limerick
7	Folk Song
8	Free Verse
9	Haiku
10	Acrostic
11	Tweet Length
12	Blank Verse
13	Hip Hopera (detail)
14	Writer's Choice
15	Free Verse
16	Tanka
17	Rondeau
18	Tweet Length
19	Alexandrine Couplets
20	Writer's Choice

Ground Rules:

- I will follow the system every day even if it means I have to write a Haiku about 'Blurred Lines'.

- Once a topic is used, it will not be put back in the deck.

- Jokers are wild (explanations to come)


Check out previous years here:


2010
2011
2012
2013

Enjoy and thanks for reading!

* To commemorate Confederate History Month

April Is On Its Way

Welcome (back), dear readers!

April will be here before we know it and that means that we'll all soon be celebrating Tweed Day (April 3rd), Plan Your Epitaph Day (April 6th), Hairstyle Appreciation Day (April 30th).
(There's got to be a Morrissey joke in that last sentence somewhere.)

Also, for the fifth year in a row, I will be embarking on the Put Your Collar Down Elvis project.

For those of you who have been here before - I'd love to get your feedback about what you'd like to see. Send gripes, accolades, and most important poetry topics to putyourcollardownelvis@gmail.com

-

If this is your first time here, awesome!

Check out the basic premise here

And successive years here:
2011
2012
2013

Below is a sampling of some of my favorites:
Teen Angst
Intellectual Conundrums
Righteous Gentiles
Double Entendres
Buddhist Allegories
Alcoholic Businessmen
Boxcar Hobos


Expect some new content here April 1st. Read and enjoy, my friends!